Career & Education

I'm Financially Supporting My Partner, But I'm Not Sure If I Can Keep Going

My partner and I are high school sweethearts. Everybody said we wouldn’t last, but here we are, eight years later and engaged. We’ve been through so much together, and I honestly think we know each other better than we know anyone else in the world.Everything was going well until he lost his job at the beginning of this year. You see, my fiancé is someone who has always tied his self-worth to his career and on how much he earns. And to be fair, he worked really hard to get to where he is today and makes more than the average person his age.So, at first, he was confident that he would find another job quickly. Given his experience and professional background, he genuinely believed it would only be a matter of time. That was five months ago. After rejection after rejection, I’ve slowly watched his confidence disappear. It feels like I’m watching someone I love lose pieces of themselves in slow motion. Things haven’t been easy financially either. Because he’s unemployed, I’ve made it a point to pick up every tab so he doesn’t feel more stressed. I pay for our meals, outings, and even some of his bills when I see that they haven’t been paid. I’m not saying this to complain or keep score, but I don’t earn much, so constantly covering all these expenses has started to hurt me financially. But right now, money is not even my biggest concern. What scares me the most is that it seems like he has given up. I’ve tried everything I can think of to lift his spirits. For the past five months, I’ve been trying to support him emotionally, financially, and in every other way I know how. I encourage him, remind him of how capable he is, and try to get him out of the house. But he seems completely stuck. He’s stopped sending out job applications and barely bathes or eats anymore. I can literally see how much he has changed, and the saddest part is that I don’t know how to help him. Normally, he used to come to me about everything. I was the person he would talk to, ask for advice, or lean on when things got difficult. But lately, he’s become increasingly moody and snaps at almost everything I say. Whenever I try to talk to him about what’s happening, he gets annoyed and tells me to leave him alone. I love my fiancé very much. I know he’s struggling, and I don’t want to abandon him when he’s at his lowest, but I’m exhausted too. I feel guilty even admitting that I’m reaching my limit. I keep thinking that if I really love him, I should be able to keep supporting him no matter what. But I’m starting to wonder how much longer I can keep doing this when he doesn’t seem to want help from me, or from anyone.​This article is part of TSS Confessions, a weekly column where we delve into personal finance topics that are unscripted and genuine real accounts from people.