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I Love Him, But I’m Tired Of Competing With His Parents

It took me a long time to admit this, but loving him started to make me feel small. Not because we stopped loving each other, but because somewhere along the way, I began to feel like the third party in my own relationship. And the ‘other woman’ turned out to be his parents! Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate them, but I feel they played a part in this as well. At first, it was just small things. Comments about how I dress, how I speak, how I carry myself. I brushed it off, told myself it was harmless – just generational differences. But over time, those comments turned into constant judgement. Every minor misunderstanding we had somehow made its way to them. Even private arguments stopped feeling private. That was when I started noticing a pattern. Whenever there was conflict with his parents, no matter how small, he always took their side. When I tried to express how I felt, he stayed silent or defended them. It didn’t stop there. Every decision, even the tiniest ones, required his parents’ approval. Eventually, their influence extended to bigger matters, like money and life decisions. When we started saving for a home, our finances no longer felt like ours. I was told he needed to prioritise his family first, paying for his sibling’s education, buying expensive things they asked for, even renovating their house. Slowly, I began to feel unheard and sidelined, like my voice carried less weight. I realised I wasn’t building a life with a partner but standing beside someone who could never stand on his own. But every time I tried to talk to him about it, it turned into another fight. And every time, the outcome was the same; in his eyes, his parents were always right. The breaking point came during an argument. When I asked him where I stood, he blurted out that I was an outsider, that I could never know him the way his parents did, the people who raised him. Something inside me shattered. I decided to end it then and there. It’s been a week. He keeps calling. His parents have tried to reach out too, maybe to advise me, maybe to convince me to return. But for the first time, I’m not sure I can. I still love him. But I’m exhausted from shrinking myself just to keep the peace. While the wound is still fresh and I have no idea what I’m going to do, I know that love should never make you feel small, and setting boundaries isn’t disrespectful. After all, you’ve got to respect yourself, too! ​This article is part of TSS Confessions, a weekly column where we delve into personal finance topics that are unscripted and genuine real accounts from people.